Redeeming Conflict Week 3

Opening Illustration: 

Have you ever done a cross-country road trip? A map gives you a high-level  overview, but the actual experience is far more personal and detailed. Forgiveness is  much the same – we need a map to guide us, but each situation will have its own  unique journey. 

I. What is God’s Expectation When We’re Sinned Against? 

• We are called to forgive because we’ve been forgiven. Scripture consistently  connects our forgiveness of others with God’s forgiveness of us. 
• Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one  another, as God. 
  • Other passages: Colossians 3:12-13, Matthew 6:11-12, Matthew 6:14- 15, Matt. 18:21-35 
• Forgiveness is not earned – it’s modeled after how God has ________ you.
• Our ability to forgive is rooted in the ________ of Christ. 

II. What Does God’s Forgiveness Look Like? 

• Robert D. Jones defines God’s forgiveness as: “God’s decision, declaration,  and promise to those who believe in Jesus Christ to not hold our sins against  us because of ________ ________.” 
• God gives us vivid images to help us grasp this truth: 
  • He removes our sins as far as the ________ is from the ________ (Psalm  103:12).
  • He washes our sins clean by the blood of Christ (Isaiah 1:18)
  • He placed my sin behind his back (Isaiah 38:17)
  • He blots out our transgressions and remembers them no ________  (Isaiah 43:25, Isaiah 44:22).
  • He casts our sins into the ________ of the sea (Micah 7:19).
• God doesn’t overlook our sin – He chooses to absorb the cost.

III. Vertical vs Horizontal Forgiveness

• Forgiveness begins with what we have received vertically from God. This  then drives us to extend horizontal forgiveness to others. 
  • The parable in Matthew 18 shows us the danger of receiving mercy  but failing to extend it. The servant forgot his role – he acted like a  ________ when he was really a ________.
• God calls us to live in light of our forgiveness and this forgiveness will be  granted to others who sin against us.  

IV. What Should I Do When Someone Sins Against Me? 

You have two gospel-driven responses: 

1. Cover the Sin with Love
   1. Sometimes, love compels us to overlook minor offenses. 
   2. “Love covers a ______________ of sins” (1 Peter 4:8) 
   3. Proverbs 19:11 reminds us: “It is his ________ to overlook an offense.”
   4. The work of covering sin is an active process of engaging the Spirit’s  work in our lives.  

      Add A Note

2. Confront in Love
   1. Other times, we must lovingly confront to restore the relationship.
   2. The goal is always ________ and peace within the body of Christ.
   3. Seven Factors to Help Determine when to Confront in Love.
      1. When the person is trapped in a sin or pattern of sin, or in danger of such. (Gal. 6:1)
      2. When the person may welcome such an exhortation. (Prov. 26:4-5, Prov. 23:9)
      3. When the offense is especially serious, as suggested by the Bible’s sin lists. (Matt. 23:23, Matt. 11:24, Luke 12:47-48)
      4. When your relationship with someone is severely strained or  undermined. (Matt. 18:15, Luke 17:3) 
      5. When the person is hurting himself or jeopardizing his Christian testimony or ministry usefulness. (Gal. 6:1)
      6. When others are harmed by the person’s sin (Prov. 24:11, I  Cor. 5:1-13, 2 Tim 4:2-4, Prov. 10:17) 
      7. When the reputation of God, Christ, or his church, or the health  or unity of the church is threatened, injured, or disrupted. (I Cor. 5:6, Rom. 16:17, Matt 21:12-13, Rom. 2:23-24)

V. What if They Don’t Apologize? 

Forgiveness happens on two levels: 

• Attitudinal (Heart) Forgiveness – This happens privately before God. o Jesus calls us to be ready to forgive – even if the person never seeks it.  “Whenever you stand praying, ________, if you have anything against  anyone…” (Mark 11:25) 
  • It’s unconditional and prepares our heart to release ________ and  resentment. 
• Relational (Transactional) Forgiveness – This happens if the offender  repents. 
  • It involves restored relationship and is dependent on genuine ________. 

VI. Objections to Extending Forgiveness 

• Forgiveness is difficult, especially when the wounds run deep. Here are  common objections: 
• Forgiving something so significant feels impossible because of how  deep the pain sits.
• If I forgive, they might think what they did was okay.
• If I forgive, I’m opening myself up to being hurt again.
• They don’t deserve my forgiveness.
• I’ve already forgiven them once—and they may do it again. – If I forgive, I’ll lose the moral high ground.
• I need to stay angry to protect myself.
• Forgiveness feels like letting go of justice.
• They haven’t apologized or shown any remorse.

VII. Forgiveness vs Trust 

VIII. Rebuilding Trust After Deep Hurt 

Rebuilding trust is possible, but it requires: 

1. Understanding the difference between ________ and trust. 
2. Praying for ________ (James 1:5). 
3. Looking for ________ repentance (2 Cor. 7:10–11). 
4. Taking small, intentional ________. 
5. Involving wise ________ (Prov. 11:14). 
6. Being ________ with the process (Psalm 103:8). 

Additional Resources: 

• Timothy Keller, Forgive 
• David Powlison, Good and Angry 
• Robert Jones, Pursuing Peace 
• Ken Sande, The Peacemaker 
• Brad Hambrick, Making Sense of Forgiveness